Anyone who has spent any time talking to me or reading my blogs knows I love a good movie. Although I don’t see as many as I’d like these days, I love how a film can transport you, inspire you, create emotion and just generally entertain. I even use the love of a particular film as a kind of odd litmus test in friendship, business and dating situations. Did you adore Forrest Gump? Yeah, that makes me seriously question your judgment.

But some movies stand out more than others in the MJ Pantheon of Favorite Flicks. Star Wars (the original trilogy, natch), Shawshank Redemption, Argo, Bridesmaids, The Blind Side (don’t judge me), The Wolf of Wall Street, The Princess Bride, 50/50, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rudy, Love Actually, Aliens, The Terminator (1 & 2), Die Hard and Pride & Prejudice (the 2005 version) are just a few of my all-time faves.

And of course, there’s Bull Durham. Though I’m not a huge fan of baseball (too slow, lots of spitting, often hot), I loved that movie when I first saw it at the ripe old age of 18. It was my first sophisticated on-screen romance, which had theretofore been populated by teen sex films (e.g. Porky’s), John Hughes offerings (Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles) and saccharine Disney scripts.

When Kevin Costner’s Crash Davis gave his epic speech during Annie Savoy’s, ahem “tryout” between Crash and Nuke LaLoosh (Tim Robbins), Susan Sarandon wasn’t the only one who sighed “Oh my…”

In case you haven’t seen Bull Durham since it’s original 1988 release (sacrilege!), here’s the scene in question. (And you may not remember this, but it is officially NSFW.)

Since we’re nearing the end of summer, I decided to watch my one and only cinematic homage to baseball over the long Labor Day weekend. It got me thinking about what I believe in when it comes to life and investing, and it wasn’t long before I was on an epic, Crash Davis-esque rant.

“I believe in manager skill. That checkbox due diligence only works if you also have a high EQ for evaluating people. That generalists and specialists should work together to combine the best aspects of myopia and a more holistic, 30,000-foot view. I believe that people who call themselves long-term investors, but who regularly redeem in less than 24 months, are full of crap. I believe that managers who say they can’t find diverse job candidates either exist in ridiculously insulated bubbles or have no imagination. I believe that having less than 10% of hedge funds, mutual funds, venture capital and private equity funds managed by women – who comprise 50% of the population – means we’re missing out on some amazing talent. I believe if all investment managers and all investors agreed to always interview a diverse candidate for jobs/fund searches, it would go a long way towards adding cognitive and behavioral diversity to the industry. 

“I believe in downside deviation, maximum drawdowns and time to recovery. I think standard deviation is silly. I believe most investors don’t worry about upside volatility, but that out-of-character positive returns should trigger a monitoring phone call as fast as a losing month. I believe in macro funds, commodity trading advisors and short selling strategies, and that investors should consider these strategies before the proverbial shit hits the investing fan. I think hedging with index options isn’t real hedging, and that taking 8 to 12 months to complete due diligence is like wanting to get pregnant without risking actual sex.

“I think investment conferences should improve the quality of their cocktail party wine. That you should NEVER order the vegetarian option for lunch at an event unless you have a desire to eat something that looks like road kill. I believe in polite but persistent marketing. I think that if you focus on your expertise instead of a sale, you’ll amass greater assets under management (AUM). I believe you should always check time zones before calling a prospect or client, and that texting is NSFP (Not Suitable For Prospects).

“I believe in differentiated networks, niche strategies and cognitive alpha. I believe in gut feelings and spidey senses about people, markets, and investments. I believe in contrarians, and in sticking to your investment guns, as long as you periodically re-visit your thesis to ensure you’re not just stubborn. I believe going to cash takes testicular fortitude. I believe getting back into the market does, too. I believe in good business cards, firm handshakes and not approaching prospects in the bathroom.

“I believe that those funds that don’t get into responsible investing/ESG now will be licking AUM wounds in years to come. I believe that all investment managers make mistakes, and that admitting mistakes and ensuring that they don’t happen again is a mark in a manager’s favor. I believe in strategy continuity, but not necessarily in strategy drift. And that past performance isn’t indicative of future results, but it beats knowing nothing about how strategy translates into returns.

"I believe that most meetings could be emails, and those that cannot should be limited to one hour, tops. Oh, and any meeting that goes longer than one hour should involve snacks.

"Finally, I believe in small funds. New funds. Large funds. Old funds. Women run funds. Minority run funds. White guy run funds. Bread and butter funds. Niche funds. Liquid funds. Illiquid funds. And contrarian funds. I believe there is manager talent and fund utility in all types of funds, and that only by looking at the full menu can investor's hope to have a balanced portfolio meal."

Oh my!

So get back to work all. I hope you enjoyed my little investment rant…pith in the wind if you will. Maybe it will get you thinking about YOUR investment beliefs as we ramp back up into what I think could be a certifiably crazy fall market. Oh, and if you have an investment belief or rant of your own (or a good movie suggestions), feel free to sound off in the comments below.